It’s strange. The first few days I spent in NICU feel like they were only a moment ago in my head, but emotionally it feels like a lifetime. To an extent, it has been a lifetime, my daughters’ lifetimes. Perhaps even longer than that when I consider we’d been going through the worry of losing our girls for more than 2 weeks before their birth.
But those first few days in NICU after they were born? They were scary. I struggled to want to be in there. Partially, as I’ve written before, because of the alarms and also because that, to me at least, my girls didn’t look ready to have been born. This thought led me to believe that there was no way either of them could survive and I didn’t feel able to watch that.
As the first hour became the second, and the first day rolled in to the second, it became easier to be around them. Don’t get me wrong, I was still petrified to touch their incubators, but at least I was becoming more comfortable with being in the same room as them.
With each passing hour, it became easier to sit near them and eventually to sit and look at them. Then I started noticing little things, like whose ears they have and whose nose and mouth and how much hair they’ve managed to grow even overnight. I enjoyed being around them and the fear became happiness at the realisation we have 2 beautiful daughters.
The fear set in again when we were told we could touch them and eventually start doing their cares.
I think all fathers are scared about changing a baby’s nappy for the first time, not because we’re scared of poo (I’m sure we’ve all dealt with worse) but because babies look fragile even when they’re full term. I was terrified about touching them, never mind changing a nappy, in case my touch was too firm and caused them discomfort or even damaged their delicate skin.
With time, a few wise words from the nurses and encouragement from my wife I worked up to being confident enough to comfort hold them and then to do their cares and change their nappies. I was still nervous doing all these things and if an alarm went off in my vacinity I’m sure there was an unmistakable look of panic on my face.
After nearly 12 weeks I am pleased to say that I know my girls are more robust than I would have ever thought, even given their young age, and I am now fairly confident with doing their cares and picking them up. Most importantly though, I really enjoy the time I get to spend doing their cares, talking to them, holding them and getting to know them. Also, the feeling of achievement of changing a nappy whilst your baby is in an incubator is something many parents won’t experience with their term baby.
Whilst it’s hard to believe, you will learn the skills to change your baby’s nappy and begin to care for them while they are in NICU. They are more robust than you think and the nurses wouldn’t invite you to do their cares if they didn’t know your baby was ready for what my wife and I term “amateur hour”. Additionally, the nurses will stand as close or as far away as you wish and if you feel you need some assistance, all you need to do is ask. They can either offer advice or jump in and help.
The First 6 Weeks 